37 weeks pregnant or 21 days to go

37 weeks this past Tuesday! Whoa belly! A few things that have been happening:

-I feel very heavy. Like a few metric tonnes heavy. It's hard to move around in any and all positions but I'm trying to stay positive.
-I have a hard time sleeping. I go to bed around 9-9:30 and finally fall asleep at 12 and then up at 1:30, 3:30 4:30 to pee and up with Gemma at 6:30. Everytime I get in bed I think maybe tonight will be different. Maybe tonight I will finally sleep. And nope. Haven't slept through the night since July. Again just trying to stay positive. Pffffff.
-I am getting so exciting for Labour and Birth! I really really think we will have a home birth this time. Little Man is healthy and I am healthy and there is no reason he can't be born in water here in our living room.
-Vince and I do meditations and hypnobirthing practices a few nights a week and it's so wonderful to go into my birthing body and see our birthing take place. Bliss!
-Our Midwife came for our home visit yesterday and dropped all her stuff off which made us even more excited. Later that day our Doula came by for her last home visit before the birth and we talked more about our hopes and fears and plans and Vince said as we went to bed that night, "Well we are all birthed up!"
-He's right! We're ready little man whenever you are. We love you we love you we love you!

Love and Hugs

The 52 week portrait project catch up (weeks 40-44)

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Week 40: We had a little early Christmas family gathering in October since my sister in law has flown down to Florida to be with her family for 3 months over the winter. (Her father isn't feeling well) Gemma received this tutu as a gift from my Mom and decided it was a perfect outfit to go grocery shopping in. I heartily agreed.

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Week 41: My nephew William graced us with one last visit before he flew south for the winter and Gemma was so happy! She thinks Weeeeel (how she calls him) is hilarious. They are just 3 months apart and it's always a joy to watch them together. They truly enjoy each others company!

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Week 42: They had a little trick or treat at the farmers market in Cambridge the Saturday before Halloween so we dressed Gemma up in her strawberry costume from last year and watched her prance around. She wasn't really interested in the candy and honestly probably didn't even notice she was wearing a costume but we had fun! LoL!

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Week 43: Papa is always trying to sneak a kiss, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Week 43: Our big girl loves two things: Cooking and her Manuwa (that's what she calls her bunny)

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Week 44: If she's not helping to cook in the big kitchen then she is surely cooking in her play kitchen and sharing her soup with you.



So that's whats been happening around our house lately. Sorry I am so late to update this portrait project. Gemma's baby brother is due in 25 days eeeeeek and I am really feeling the crunch to get things ready. I have also been taking lots of time to just get lost in the moment with Gemma cause I know soon my hands with be overflowing. It's so wonderful to just sit and quietly watch her and soak her all up. I'm sure you can understand!

Love and Hugs

33 Weeks pregnant

Whooohooo sliding into home base pretty soon! Here I am on last tuesday night at 33 weeks or 7.5months or 49 days to go.
Feeling so much better! I think it's all the hypnobirthing practicing Vince and I have been doing. It's just so blissful. And I have faith. Faith that everything will work out the way it's supposed to and you know what? It is! We found a birth pool rental so late in the game and an amazing Doula student and a lovely woman to encapsulate our placenta.
Don't get me wrong, carrying around an extra 30lbs on your pelvis is no joke. Bending over is not happening anymore which means if it falls on the floor it will stays there until after Dec 16th. Also Sunny's been wearing her harness for over a week now and lets not even talk about the length of my toenails. I have started fantasizing about one of those motorized chairs that attach to your banister so you can ride up and down the stairs in comfort. Why do old people get all the cool stuff anyways?! (i.e. walk in jaccuzzi tubs) Whilst shopping the other day I considered asking the nice lady at the help desk in the mall if they have complementary vespa ride on thingies for pregnant woman to get around on. I don't think that's too much to ask.
I am just so excited to meet this little man of ours! I love him so deeply already and I don't know but I've got a feeling he's gonna be a pretty awesome person.
Love and Hugs

30 week baby bump update

Hi guys well this picture is from last tuesday when I finally hit the 30's! Now I'm 31weeks and a few days which mean 61 days till Little Man is here!

I caught a pretty bad cold and have been feeling sorry for myself ever since. Just joking it's not that bad. But it's true I have been low on energy and that's why this post is so late.

Anyways I wanted to tell you that a funny thing is happening...I am finally starting to love my baby belly! Yay! It all started with reading this little card from a Canadian Mompreneur named Charisse. She runs a great shop out of her home called Pixel Paper Hearts. And the card goes something like this: "Girl you are totally rocking that baby bump like it's the must have of the season"

And I was like, hell yeah! I am rocking my baby bump! Lol! Sounds so silly but it really made me laugh and feel good about myself. I think also there is the fact that I have been able to start eating vegetables again. I know it sounds crazy but eating only ice cream and baked goods will not make you feel better. You will feel sad and gross. And I LOVE vegetables normally! So it's good to feel a little more like myself in that sense.

I'm also feeling more and more excited. His birthday is coming so fast now and I'm getting more used to the idea that yes this baby will be mine! I think because of the miscarriage I still have a hard time bonding and believing for a very long time into my pregnancies but I can sense that feeling leaving me. We've even starting gathering things for his nursery!

Ok this post is getting really long now so I'll let you go. See you soon in a few weeks with the next update at 33 weeks!

Love and Hugs

39/52

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Week 39: It was so hard to choose Gemma's picture this week so I went with two! We took her to a pumpkin patch called Shantzholm farms and she had such a great time visiting the animals, taking a hay ride to the pumpkin fields, drinking apple cider with her Papa and playing in the kids maze. It was a wonderful fall weekend!

Love and Hugs

Completely rational/ Just a little funny for your Friday

Gemma likes sneaky food on sneaky food all the time! Have you seen the rest of these from the Picky Eaters Club?  There is also another #pickyeatersclub member who will only eat his oatmeal if he has multiple spoons. Gemma would have to agree with you on that young sir.

Love and Hugs

38/52

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Week 38: Out for a Sunday afternoon stroll around the neighbourhood. I would follow that funny little ponytail anywhere it goes. 

Love and Hugs

37/52

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Week 37: At the Ancaster fair. Gemma made a bee line straight for the goats and wouldn't budge. She  could have stayed there all day, that is until she found out there were free balloons outside the stables!

Love and Hugs

27 weeks or 6months preggo or 91 days to go...

Hi guys, well I have finally made it to 6months! Whoohooo! I feel like a whale and worried I may have to be wheeled around by the end of this pregnancy or maybe get one of those motorized scooters. Why are my boobs so ginormous you ask? Beats me, probably just to piss me off further. Anyways definitely getting those puppies reduced after this pregnancy. URGH.

Ok enough with the negativity eh?!

My sciatic pain is starting to lift! I feel like I can walk better and sleep better and smile more often. I haven't cried in over 10 days. I have the mental capacity to bond with my little man in there. I finally feel like I am rounding out of the survival mode I was in for so long. It's a blissful thing. I even had an image of holding my little man's newborn body and feeling his warmth and curled up legs against me. I can't wait!

We started Hypnobirthing again and I am so excited. I'm starting to believe in myself again that I can do this birthing thing. Screw you pain you will not keep me down. My brother used to have this poster in his room that said something like "You just gotta get back up" And that's what I'm gonna do.

Love and Hugs

Weeks 31 thru 36 of the 52 week portrait project

Week 36: Was Gemma's 2nd birthday! It was a rainy fall day outside so we brought the party indoors. We had a brunch to accommodate for her nap and invited our family. She had a blast and was so enamoured with everyone signing Happy birthday to her. I thought she'd be freaked out but she smiled quietly and loved it! Her best bday gift by far.

Week 35: Weekends are for lazing around reading books on the couch in your under ware.

Week 34: In the middle of preggo sciatic pain time my Mom came to the save the day! (like all month basically) Here Gemma is at the Aquarium in Toronto with Mom and Auntie Britt and cousin Will. I wish I could have been there to watch her discover all the fishes.

Week 33: Too sick to take pictures

Week 32: Too sick to take pictures

Week 31: Mom and Dad show up again and take Gemma to the park! She never wants to get off those swings! Seriously gotta think about getting a set for our backyard next summer.

So there you have it we are all caught up! I'm am finally feeling relief in my leg and can certainly get back to taking pictures and capturing moments with Gemma so stay tuned!

Love and Hugs

24 weeks (5.5months) bump update

Here we are at 24 weeks with baby #2! I love this time because the baby is now viable and could live outside the womb with intensive medical assistance. Of course I hope this baby stays in until 40weeks all comfy cozy but it sure does take a load off my mind knowing he's got a great chance either way.

I'm pretty grumpy in this picture. I was trying with all my might to smile. This pregnancy has been tough. I am sicker, more exhausted, more hormonal (bitchy/depressed) and in more pain than my first pregnancy. I developed sciatica about two months ago and I will save you the sob story but there have been emergency visits, narcotic prescriptions, convulsing with pain on the floor, a sea of tears and tons and tons of guilt.
Thank goodness I am finally starting to see the other side. With the help of my tribe of heroes: A rock of a husband, my parents taking leaves of absence from work to help me, heavenly Reiki from Sabrina, Osteopathy and massage therapy, I have stopped crying and started sleeping almost 2 hours at a time. Take that sciatica you jerk!

Now all I'm left with is a hefty guilt hangover. I not supposed to lift over 5 lbs till the baby is born which means we had to put Gemma in daycare full-time. I miss my daughter like nutso. I feel so shitty I can't take care of her myself. I miss our days together. She's mine and I want her back everyday all day.
There was a time there where I was in so much pain I could hardly breathe. I was sure I was cutting off oxygen to my little man in there and mixed with the heavy drugs I was on and all the crying I was sure he was in major distress. My midwife and Doctor and even Sabrina (Reiki) would check his heartbeat and tell me he was just fine. They reassured me he's in a lovely floating bubble of happiness and has no idea how much pain I am in. Phew. Then why do I still feel like shit.

Ok so Sabrina gave me some mirror work with affirmations to say to myself a week and half ago. I haven't started yet. I know she's right, I know it will work but I don't want to do it. She said I could start by writing them down in a journal at first if I need to. Have you guys ever done anything like that?

Great news is, Little Man is moving like a crazy person in there! He's a future olympic gymnast I'm sure of it. I am so in love with him it's sick. We definitely have a bond already and I can feel his happy go lucky spirit at all times. I love when he's awake and moving. I hold him and talk to him and all the pain seems to melt away. He's my Little Man and I can't wait to meet him. It feels like I've never wanted anything more in my whole life!

Love and Hugs

27,28,29,30/52 portrait project catch up

Week 27: Gemma being an orangutan at Shoppers trying on glasses and climbing towers. Girl seriously cracks me up!

Week 28: Enjoying her vichyssoise aux courgettes at Nathalie's wedding in Corsica. My sweet angel.

Week 29: Gemma LOVED the playground beneath the Eiffel Tower in Paris, especially the carousel!

Week 30: Back home she took her very first ride on a tricycle and I think she's hooked!

Love and Hugs

26/52

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

There were a lot of beautiful portraits from this week but I thought the above fuzzy one captures my baby at this moment perfectly. She started expressing herself so much with those lovely eyebrows of hers. It's getting harder and harder to tell her no when she seems to be constantly trying and succeeding at making us laugh. 

Gosh I love her!

Love and Hugs

25/52

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Doesn't she look like Little Miss out and about? We took her to the Cambridge Arts festival over the weekend and released her from the stroller to have a look around. I love her.

I think Gemma is going through another growth spurt. Ah the mysteries of raising your child. She's so much taller and started waking up a full hour earlier than normal and seems to be mad at a lot of stuff. Any advice fellow mommas out there?

Love and Hugs

24/52

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

It's hard to put into words how happy this picture makes me. That look on Gemma's face, that gaze, her fingers, everything! Sometimes when I am holding her on my knee, reading a book or watching a movie I think how can she possibly love me as much as I love her. Does she know? Does she love me back? Am I doing ok at this? Sometimes I spend too much time on my phone in her presence. Sometimes I feed her mac and cheese out of the box. Sometimes I look the other way and don't correct her behaviour when I know she needs me to.
I don't know how to explain it. It's like this incredible person turned up on my doorstep and I try to take care of her every day and basically feel desperately desperately in love with her. But I almost don't believe she's mine. We are so different and she is her own person. 

And she likes to pick clover flowers in the back yard. 

Love and Hugs

23/52

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Gemma is patiently waiting for the birthday boy to arrive. Her cousin William turned two over the weekend and we had so much fun at his Dino sized party.

Love and Hugs

22/52

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Week 22- I love how Gemma holds her opposing hand and fingers when she is concentrating on a task. She usually has her pinky finger up like she's a lady at Tea Time. Melts me everytime.

Love and Hugs

20/52 and 21/52

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Week 20- This is my baby girl at our mother's day brunch, my prettiest little flower.

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Week 21- Here we are at Gemma's last Tumbling Tots class. She always needs a moment to herself at the beginning before she goes in and I just love that about her.

Love and Hugs

18/52 and 19/52

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Week 18- This is Gemma meeting her new baby cousin Charlotte for the first time. I adore the way she touches her. For the most part there was just a lot of pointing and even some weird hand waving near her head. She did get a little too excited and pulled on her fingers a few times but Charlotte didn't seem to mind. She's gonna be one tough cookie with these two rascals hanging around.

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Week 19- This is Gem observing the big kids playing. She is so gentle in these moments and so innocent and my little baby. My heart bursts with realizations that I can't be with her everywhere at all times holding her and keeping her safe. I love to see her interact but I also just want to scoop her up and have her all to myself again. You know what I mean?

Love and Hugs

16/52 and 17/52

 "A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014" 

Week 16- At my Aunt Jane's house for Easter weekend. She had a blast with her older cousins and the weather was beautiful! I took pictures of her in sunshine everywhere she went.

Week 17- With rainy cold weather back upon us we got a break and headed outside. Gemma is a helpful Virgo so I set her to the task of gardening. She attacked with gusto.

Love and Hugs

15/52

"A portrait of my child once a week., every week of 2014"

Darn it I forgot to take out my camera again this week. So we've got another round of iphone pics for you. Also decided to break the other rule by posting two portraits instead of one. Yay double Gem-Roo! She's a ham I tell ya and a stubborn one at the that. Every time I tried to readjust her hat for these pictures she gave me a roar and repositioned it ever so slightly perfectly askew. Gosh I love her. 

Love and Hugs

14/52

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Please excuse my horrible iphone pic of Gem this week. I completely forgot about this project and didn't take my camera out once. Instead we were on the go quite a bit and I believe this was Gemma's favourite moment; discovering hoola hoopping at Tumbling Tots. She's a natural, naturally. 

Love and Hugs

13/52

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

Helping her Daddy clean the kitchen and the first time we've seen her toes since last summer. Here's hoping the weather keeps up and we'll be seeing a lot more of them from now on. 

Love and Hugs

12/52

"A portrait of my child once a week, every week of 2014"

It was so hard to pick this weeks photo. There were just so many great ones and a few really great ones of her smiling and looking right at the camera but I just couldn't resist the look on her face in this one. I'm surprised she's still alive and I didn't eat her right there and then.

Love and Hugs

Gemma is 18months old!

I was going for the quintessential pic on the grey chair against the cream wall like the ones from our 12 month photo series but Gemma just wasn't into it. She wanted to run around and play with her Duplo instead. Can you blame her?

I did get her to sit on the grey chair but only if she could hold the remote.

This is definitely an outtake. 

 This one too.

Oh no she's really mad at me now. 

Quick do something. Let her stand on the ottoman! 

 I changed her outfit thinking maybe jeans and sweats might help the situation. 

 Nope! No sitting for anyone!

 Must Dance in moccasins!

A few of Gemma's favourite things: Colouring with her crayons. Or basically making me sit down and colour for her. I love it! Being the Boss er I mean Mom of her dollies. She likes changing their diapers and feeding them bottles and taking them on walks in their stroller. Music! She just loves everything musical. Especially the Wiggles. She's still a pretty good eater but will now clearly tell you NO if she doesn't want to eat something. Her favs are avocado, salmon, cucumbers and chickpeas.

She's talking a little more and has added a few words on top of No!No!No!. Some words she says fully like Help, Bye, Hi, Ball, Hat but others she makes up her own version. For instance when she says All done it sounds like ahhhhJUN. When she says bottle it sounds like baol. And when asking for More she does the sign and says Mo!Mo! Gosh she's cute. She's also showing signs of bilingualism. When we watch her french language learning videos and the little panda bear says Au Revoir she looks up and says, "Bye!"

We are entering the strange and scary world of discipline. Gemma is a powerhouse full of emotional force and to be honest I'm not sure what to do. I definitely tell her no when it's appropriate but I feel she needs even more rules and boundaries and I'm a little lost. Having said that last week was hard but even yesterday I felt like I got her emotions more and could help her better. All I want to do is take care of this baby girl the best way I can! Getting all Schmoopy Mommy I know I know!
 
Did I ever tell you that when our midwife first heard Gemma's heart rate she said it was so strong and fast and will most likely be a boy. I remember spending most of my pregnancy worried I would miscarry like in the past until an experience in one of our last Hypnobirthing classes. The Doula lead us into a meditation and asked us to take the place of the baby inside us. I did and Gemma yelled, "Mom I'm fine, I'm strong and you need to believe in me." It was so amazing! And so true! Gemma is the strongest woman I know. She is firey and bold and brilliant but also quiet and introspective.

But mostly she'd like you to know she won't take no for an answer. She a kinda "go back to the drawing board and sharpen your pencils boys" kinda a girl. With whom I am deeply in love.

If you're curious here's the other updates from her 12 month photo series:

1 Month
2 Months
3 Months
4 Months
5 Months
6 Months
7 Months
8 Months
9 Months
10 Months
11 Months
1 Year Old

Love and Hugs