37 weeks pregnant or 21 days to go

37 weeks this past Tuesday! Whoa belly! A few things that have been happening:

-I feel very heavy. Like a few metric tonnes heavy. It's hard to move around in any and all positions but I'm trying to stay positive.
-I have a hard time sleeping. I go to bed around 9-9:30 and finally fall asleep at 12 and then up at 1:30, 3:30 4:30 to pee and up with Gemma at 6:30. Everytime I get in bed I think maybe tonight will be different. Maybe tonight I will finally sleep. And nope. Haven't slept through the night since July. Again just trying to stay positive. Pffffff.
-I am getting so exciting for Labour and Birth! I really really think we will have a home birth this time. Little Man is healthy and I am healthy and there is no reason he can't be born in water here in our living room.
-Vince and I do meditations and hypnobirthing practices a few nights a week and it's so wonderful to go into my birthing body and see our birthing take place. Bliss!
-Our Midwife came for our home visit yesterday and dropped all her stuff off which made us even more excited. Later that day our Doula came by for her last home visit before the birth and we talked more about our hopes and fears and plans and Vince said as we went to bed that night, "Well we are all birthed up!"
-He's right! We're ready little man whenever you are. We love you we love you we love you!

Love and Hugs

33 Weeks pregnant

Whooohooo sliding into home base pretty soon! Here I am on last tuesday night at 33 weeks or 7.5months or 49 days to go.
Feeling so much better! I think it's all the hypnobirthing practicing Vince and I have been doing. It's just so blissful. And I have faith. Faith that everything will work out the way it's supposed to and you know what? It is! We found a birth pool rental so late in the game and an amazing Doula student and a lovely woman to encapsulate our placenta.
Don't get me wrong, carrying around an extra 30lbs on your pelvis is no joke. Bending over is not happening anymore which means if it falls on the floor it will stays there until after Dec 16th. Also Sunny's been wearing her harness for over a week now and lets not even talk about the length of my toenails. I have started fantasizing about one of those motorized chairs that attach to your banister so you can ride up and down the stairs in comfort. Why do old people get all the cool stuff anyways?! (i.e. walk in jaccuzzi tubs) Whilst shopping the other day I considered asking the nice lady at the help desk in the mall if they have complementary vespa ride on thingies for pregnant woman to get around on. I don't think that's too much to ask.
I am just so excited to meet this little man of ours! I love him so deeply already and I don't know but I've got a feeling he's gonna be a pretty awesome person.
Love and Hugs

30 week baby bump update

Hi guys well this picture is from last tuesday when I finally hit the 30's! Now I'm 31weeks and a few days which mean 61 days till Little Man is here!

I caught a pretty bad cold and have been feeling sorry for myself ever since. Just joking it's not that bad. But it's true I have been low on energy and that's why this post is so late.

Anyways I wanted to tell you that a funny thing is happening...I am finally starting to love my baby belly! Yay! It all started with reading this little card from a Canadian Mompreneur named Charisse. She runs a great shop out of her home called Pixel Paper Hearts. And the card goes something like this: "Girl you are totally rocking that baby bump like it's the must have of the season"

And I was like, hell yeah! I am rocking my baby bump! Lol! Sounds so silly but it really made me laugh and feel good about myself. I think also there is the fact that I have been able to start eating vegetables again. I know it sounds crazy but eating only ice cream and baked goods will not make you feel better. You will feel sad and gross. And I LOVE vegetables normally! So it's good to feel a little more like myself in that sense.

I'm also feeling more and more excited. His birthday is coming so fast now and I'm getting more used to the idea that yes this baby will be mine! I think because of the miscarriage I still have a hard time bonding and believing for a very long time into my pregnancies but I can sense that feeling leaving me. We've even starting gathering things for his nursery!

Ok this post is getting really long now so I'll let you go. See you soon in a few weeks with the next update at 33 weeks!

Love and Hugs

27 weeks or 6months preggo or 91 days to go...

Hi guys, well I have finally made it to 6months! Whoohooo! I feel like a whale and worried I may have to be wheeled around by the end of this pregnancy or maybe get one of those motorized scooters. Why are my boobs so ginormous you ask? Beats me, probably just to piss me off further. Anyways definitely getting those puppies reduced after this pregnancy. URGH.

Ok enough with the negativity eh?!

My sciatic pain is starting to lift! I feel like I can walk better and sleep better and smile more often. I haven't cried in over 10 days. I have the mental capacity to bond with my little man in there. I finally feel like I am rounding out of the survival mode I was in for so long. It's a blissful thing. I even had an image of holding my little man's newborn body and feeling his warmth and curled up legs against me. I can't wait!

We started Hypnobirthing again and I am so excited. I'm starting to believe in myself again that I can do this birthing thing. Screw you pain you will not keep me down. My brother used to have this poster in his room that said something like "You just gotta get back up" And that's what I'm gonna do.

Love and Hugs

24 weeks (5.5months) bump update

Here we are at 24 weeks with baby #2! I love this time because the baby is now viable and could live outside the womb with intensive medical assistance. Of course I hope this baby stays in until 40weeks all comfy cozy but it sure does take a load off my mind knowing he's got a great chance either way.

I'm pretty grumpy in this picture. I was trying with all my might to smile. This pregnancy has been tough. I am sicker, more exhausted, more hormonal (bitchy/depressed) and in more pain than my first pregnancy. I developed sciatica about two months ago and I will save you the sob story but there have been emergency visits, narcotic prescriptions, convulsing with pain on the floor, a sea of tears and tons and tons of guilt.
Thank goodness I am finally starting to see the other side. With the help of my tribe of heroes: A rock of a husband, my parents taking leaves of absence from work to help me, heavenly Reiki from Sabrina, Osteopathy and massage therapy, I have stopped crying and started sleeping almost 2 hours at a time. Take that sciatica you jerk!

Now all I'm left with is a hefty guilt hangover. I not supposed to lift over 5 lbs till the baby is born which means we had to put Gemma in daycare full-time. I miss my daughter like nutso. I feel so shitty I can't take care of her myself. I miss our days together. She's mine and I want her back everyday all day.
There was a time there where I was in so much pain I could hardly breathe. I was sure I was cutting off oxygen to my little man in there and mixed with the heavy drugs I was on and all the crying I was sure he was in major distress. My midwife and Doctor and even Sabrina (Reiki) would check his heartbeat and tell me he was just fine. They reassured me he's in a lovely floating bubble of happiness and has no idea how much pain I am in. Phew. Then why do I still feel like shit.

Ok so Sabrina gave me some mirror work with affirmations to say to myself a week and half ago. I haven't started yet. I know she's right, I know it will work but I don't want to do it. She said I could start by writing them down in a journal at first if I need to. Have you guys ever done anything like that?

Great news is, Little Man is moving like a crazy person in there! He's a future olympic gymnast I'm sure of it. I am so in love with him it's sick. We definitely have a bond already and I can feel his happy go lucky spirit at all times. I love when he's awake and moving. I hold him and talk to him and all the pain seems to melt away. He's my Little Man and I can't wait to meet him. It feels like I've never wanted anything more in my whole life!

Love and Hugs